12.   Safe weather !!!

11.   The Laws of Golf

1. No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
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2. Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
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3. Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
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4. Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
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5. No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
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6. The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
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7. Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
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8. Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
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9. Palm trees eat golf balls.
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10. Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you ?
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11. Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
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12. A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
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13. All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
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14. Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law 3 above).
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15. A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
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16. "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
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17. The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
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18. The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
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19. Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
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20. All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

10.   Another 300 yd Drive !!!

9.   Uncle Frank

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?" ... "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." ... After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" ... "Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" ... "Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door. Shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house." ... "Okay, Daddy!"

-A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." ... "And what happened?" ... "Well, Mommy jumped out of the room and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug, fell down, and now she's crying in pain." ... "Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?" ... "He too jumped out of the room, and he was all scared and he jumped out of the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgotten that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead." There is a long pause ... "Swimming pool? Is this 2284-7039?"

8.   Signs of improvement !!!
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7.   Loser   ...   either way !!!
(Picture might take a while to download)